THE RETURN OF MADAME DEFARGE*

Oh, there you are. Or are you? Given that it’s approximately one year and seven months since I was last on here, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if you weren’t. There, that is. But if you are, a very big warm hello and thank you. If you’re completely new, know that this blog has had an absence and has now returned and please do come along for the ride.

Now that I’m back I want to talk about knitting. I know the title of the blog is Of Writers and Writing but there we are, things and people change. The pandemic has altered us all. Perhaps I should rename it Of Writers, Writing and Wool.

What happened was this. I had a secret yearning to knit. I went on Etsy and bought a beginners kit and then I bought another and then my partner said: ‘How many scarves can you wear?’ And now I’m hanging around online ogling wool shops although for some reason I haven’t been able to set foot in one. Not strictly true I did go in one but only because I was encouraged. When I was a bookseller I thought it was good to bear in mind that for some people bookshops were intimidating. Well for me a wool shop is because I don’t know what I am doing. Will I point at patterns and scream with horror or laugh inappropriately. Do I know my DK from my Aran, my chunky from my super chunky. Well, just look in the mirror darling.

So, I know you long to look at my knitting. Here are the early ones that I might join to create a sort of Tom Baker/Dr Who thing.

I was rather proud of the one on the seat of the chair until I made the mistake of wearing it to my local Co Op and had a set back. The woman serving me clapped her hands to her cheeks and exclaimed:  ‘Oh my God, that scarf just screams Christmas.’ And dear reader we were regrettably many months from that date. I did also think, turquoise and orange? What sort of Christmas are you having? Can I have it too? Maybe what she meant was that it was the kind of dodgy present an aunt might give to you that you immediately put away and then give to a charity shop. Incidentally during lock down our Co Op appeared to have taken on a large number of staff who had previously been acting in West End musicals. I particularly enjoyed the blond boy who raised an eyebrow when he looked at my shopping basket containing a pineapple, a roll of bin liners and a bottle of white wine and said: ‘Friday night essentials?’ This is a very good reason for not using those self service machines. They don’t make you laugh in the same way.

These are better I think. The wool is spun by The West Yorkshire Spinners which sounds like a sixties band.

This one is my current work in progress. My partner keeps saying what is it because she’s terrified I’m going to throw it on the bed which is clearly not a good idea. I think it’s a huge shawl thing. Or maybe I’ll put it over my knees in the winter like an elderly crone. That’s presupposing we ever have another winter. Takes a bit of time to get that 40 degrees out of your system, doesn’t it?

Sorry for the absence. Lovely to be back. Next time, hopefully not one year and seven months later, you might get a little of the neuroscience of knitting. Or a yarn about yarn. And eventually I’ll probably get back to the writing and writers thing. Tune in to see if I get over my wool shop phobia. Tell me below of your experiences of knitting. Did your mother, grandmother, father or grandfather or aunt knit. Is that a pair of homemade socks I see on your feet? Have you seen a nice bit of knitting on film? Could you explain to me how you use circular needles without feeling dizzy?

* Madame Defarge evil knitter in Dicken’s Tale of Two Cities.

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